CONTINUED FROM PART 1
No sooner had I started my walk, I began to hear the still small voice whispering in my ear, whispers that in turn served to give me sight, served to help me see with spiritual eyes. I began to see right in front of me the faces of people I know, past and present. I began to feel the feelings of those who mourn and grief for their lost ones. I saw the utter desolation, raw pain and devouring void in the heart of a man who has recently lost his wife to cancer, a man who like me walks a lonely spiritual walk, a man who like me has travelled through the desert and no longer mistakes the mirage for the oasis. I saw the fear in the eyes of a woman, a neighbour who has just been told she has a huge tumour that needs removing, a woman who is a tower of strength to the world, but who now is scared for herself and her family, for their future. I ached for that woman’s husband, for the uncertainty of their future, for the fear in my own heart at the prospect of ever going through a similar experience in my own flesh. I battle everyday with powers and principalities to silence the voice of the enemy that threatens me with illnesses, health scares and death scenarios of my own in order to rend me completely inefficient for Kingdom work, in order to strangle me with fear and dread. I can easily put myself in the skin of those who suffer and I suffer with them, I agonise with them. When you follow Christ, this comes with the territory. It is not an easy path to tread on. Each bit of your heart that suffers when others suffer dies in the process, it brings death to another part of your humanity, it reminds you once again that we are in this world but not of it.
I saw the shock in the face of a wife whose husband died instantly of an aneurysm in the middle of his jogging routine to be found hours later. A woman whom I happen to know through my daughter’s school and for whom I have always felt a special attachment, a strange burden to comfort and cherish. Unbeknownst to me a woman who was soon to become a widow. I see the pain and isolation in the daughter’s heart as she resents God for taking her father away when she most needed him. And in the midst of all that my heart aches in astonishment at the fact that it is Almighty God, who else, who chose to take that man but it is that same unfathomable God who saved my mum when experiencing an aneurysm too. At that point, my mind wrestles with my spirit in the battle of all battles trying to come to terms with why God took one and saved the other? None of us know. That is why He is God and we are His creation, but what I do know is that the outcome of those two aneurysms rests solely with the will of God and never with anything any of us has done or not done, said or not said. And that is how very insignificant we really are, and how very desperately we really need a Saviour to help us walk daily through all these uncertainties, conundrums and dilemmas.
The Lord does not give us spiritual eyes to fill us with utter misery, fear and despair. It is not to burden us, but to enlighten us. It is not to paralyse us with fear, but to fill us with his compassion for others. It is not to scare us but to produce hope and encouragement in us so that we can then share it with others. He shows us things so that we can be humbled to then be molded into his own image, so that we become aware of His supremacy and power, His holiness which so many of us seem to have forgotten today. These daily revelations are all extraordinary opportunities for us to draw near to Him, to see things and people as He sees them and to then live our lives accordingly.
I returned from that walk absolutely drained from what I had just seen with my spiritual eyes. I was broken once again to have the revelation that apart from the Lord I am nothing, I can do nothing; that He gives but He also takes away, that in our weakness His strength shines even brighter, that His grace is indeed amazing and that I am still in this world because of it. There is no other reason. I am not a survivor, a fighter, a success, an achiever or an overcomer. It is by His grace that those things are added onto my life, and it is because of His grace too that one fine day all those things may be gone just as they came. During those walks the blinders always come off and what I see humbles me to the core. I see that were it not for the grace of God, I could be that woman with a cancer that threatens to come back, or the wife who has just been left without her husband, all alone to fight another day, or the husband who has had to witness his whole world, the apple of his eye be consumed day by day until there is nothing left, who has seen the life in his beloved ebb away bit by bit just as she came to life in her mother’s womb.
I bet you never thought going for a walk with your dog could turn into such a strange affair. I am a great believer that for the most part God does not want to be found in the thunder, the lightning or the earthquake. God is a personal God that loves us and knows us all individually, and because of it He propitiates these personal encounters which are there for the taking. Be warned and please know that there was no pun intended: These encounters are not a WALK IN THE PARK, but if you are searching for the oasis because the mirage no longer satisfies, you will have to brave the elements and find God in the small details of your life. He will never fail you. He always shows up!