The last few weeks have been full of turmoil for me, manifested not only emotionally and spiritually but even physically. I am suffering badly from sharp stabbing-like back pain which in the natural reflects perfectly what is taking place in the spiritual realm. It is a debilitating pain that over a period of time wears you down and makes you succumb to the point where you can’t do anything other than surrender completely and let the power of God shine and come through in your utter weakness and desperation.
In the midst of the pain, discouragement and hurt I heard the Lord say to me: “I do not wish for you to be a member of my fan club. I want you to be my follower, so pick up your cross and follow ME”.
Until today, I had no notion of how much a follower of Christ is asked to give up and sacrifice. Indeed, today I have come to know that much, much more will be expected of me in the days and months to come. Somewhere along the way, I had put at the back of my mind the cross of Jesus Christ and what it means to truly follow HIM, to truly worship HIM above ALL else.
Though I ache, I feel renewed. Though I agonise, I am healed. Though I weep, I rejoice. Though my heart bleeds, I know it is not my blood that is spilled, but the Lord’s, and though I despair, my heart is filled with hope, the hope of a Saviour who has gone before me and is leading me every step of the way.
Praise you Lord Jesus, for your promises are true and in them I rest all my pain, all my hurt, all my discouragement and my sadness for a Church which is intent on setting their priorities and their will above yours, a church whose pillars are not vessels of Christ’s unconditional love but wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing who having a form of godliness, will ruthlessly sacrifice the sheep who are determined to follow and obey the Good Shepherd.
Lord, I hear your still small voice. I know my calling. May your abundant grace equip me for this most difficult but glorious journey.